Category Archives: my story

Dywn’s ASBO

I pride myself on having never gotten into trouble with the police, or been arrested.

except that one time in 2003…….

i was pregnant with DD1 around April (she was due following month) and during her pregnancy i had this craving for the smell of petrol it was like crack for me. And as a result i would often waddle down to the gas station at the end of my mam’s road during the night and just sit/stand and sniff that magical elixir.

It’s 3am in the forecourt at the petrol station… i’m just sat there sniffing, just considering getting up and waddling home, 3 police cars and a riot van screech up around me, scared me outta my life, one police officer yells, get up slowly. so i try to get up, he tells me not to have my hands anywhere he can’t see them.

‘Can i get a hand then please’ the lady officer helps me to my feet and 4 other officers start laughing. I am eight months pregnant i have a huge ball strapped to my middle, and i can barely waddle in a straight line, but these officers had been told i was gonna run, they were not expecting pregnant whale sized me.

They had also been told i was casing the station for a robbery…. either way i was placed in a police car and taken to the station, and given an ASBO which meant i was not allowed to be on the forecourt of any petrol station in the area between 10pm and 6am for 5 years.

And yes that Cashier happened to be a dude. Big thumbs up dude!

You Know the Face, But not the Person

This is the story of how i lost my Dad. it’s quite a long post and happened a fair few years ago now, so some parts maybe quite hazy but i will do my best to explain it, and the thoughts that started my first ever down ward spiral into the world of depression.

it is 1998, the year before my GCSE’s i am about to turn 15 and my brother 9. we lost our paternal Grandfather to cancer in the February,

Dads mental health declined quite rapidly at this point, his third marriage to the ‘other woman’ had ended the year before, he moved into his bungalow in Beck Row, and me and my brother were spending more time with him as a result,

in the March dad tried to OD’d on the anti-depressants that he had been given by the GP his paranoia and anxiety was extremely high, unless myself or brother bought him coffee for instance he wouldn’t drink it, he was usually fairly clean anyway but i noticed small differences in his bungalow, such as cling film over his chopping board, (looking back i can see this is some form of OCD i have this tendency too) he always had to have a box of tin foil near by and me & brother had great fun making hats out of it to wear, and guns and other fun stuff, again looking back i can see his rationale had dipped some,

he thought everyone was out to get him, i remember one morning in March mum got a call from his work saying he hadn’t turned up for 3 days, so mum reported him missing and he was found living rough in a car in Felixstowe, he had very little knowledge of how he had gotten there,

the second OD he took mum and nan requested that he was sectioned so that an assessment could be done of his mental health, the assessment took place but he discharged himself as the section was never put in place. this was at the beginning of April of 1998.

next time i saw dad he popped his head around mums back gate to see if she was available to talk, my younger sister then only 18-19 months old was running her ragged and she wasn’t able to stop and talk, my nan i think was on holiday, which Aunt and Uncle had arranged to give her some space since Granddad had died, as an extra special surprise they redecorated her bedroom for her too come back too also.

April 16th i *think* was a Wednesday i was poorly i hadn’t gone to school can’t remember what ailment i faked that day to be honest. the police knocked the door with my aunt, all went into the kitchen, i remember this being unusual because mum believed that we should know the truth about pretty much everything and made sure we were included, it was noted somewhere that giving mum too much info was not a good idea, as she was *too* honest with us.

i could hear hushed voices above the program i was watching, Sister was napping and i was keeping an ear out for her, brother was in school. i could things like, ‘he used to take the kids to the park there’ and ‘they think he’s tried to do it again’ and could hear over that my mums voice slightly higher ‘how/what do i tell the children?’

mum and aunt went with the police to the hospital, mum asked me too look after sister and said she would be home before mark came out or she would arrange for Granddad to pick him up from school and look after him until she got back.

i spent a busy day playing with sister and i think mum returned around 4ish she busied herself making our dinner, Spaghetti Bolognese, whilst waiting for my brother to be dropped off, we ate our meal, and mum said she needed to talk to me and mark about our dad.

i watched mums face twist and pain etch across her face whilst she tried to find the right words to say to me and my brother about the days events, mum explained to us that dad had attempted to take his life, they suspected at sometime around dawn as it was getting light dad had cut the hose from his tap in the back of his bungalow, taken aunts car which he was repairing rather than his own, driven from beck row to Exning and sat just outside a play park he used to take me and brother too and attempted to kill himself from the fumes of the car. she then explained that she didn’t know what kind of person if any we were going to get back. Dad was being sent to Poole in Dorset to be put in hyperbaric chamber to try and attempt to reverse some of the effects of the Carbon Monoxide.

after that conversation i do not remember much of the 3 weeks that followed, my brothers birthday passed in this time, no idea of it, i remember ‘snap shots’ of things i did, i shaved my hair off got told i looked like a lesbian, not sure why i remember that, i ran away from home, i blamed everyone for the fact that my dad had been taken away, i screamed WHY? over and over, i briefly remember mum discussing with Granddad that she knew the person that was coming back if any was not the same person, when she saw dad in the ICU they opened his eyes as part of the checks, and his eyes were a different shade of blue, i guess that is something you get from sharing a life with someone for almost 16 years in one form or another. i completely lost the plot, i snapped out of this trance like state on what would have been his 40th Birthday May 4th, it was the day we were told that dad was being sent back from Poole to Die as there was nothing more that they could do for him there.

but Dad didn’t die, i think he spent about 18 months at Addenbrokes, and i visited him 3 times in that time, and i have not seen him since, i get pictures from time to time, and i have not opened the last two i received.

i remember it was a couple days after my 15th birthday when i made the first trip back to see Dad and initially i was excited to go see my dad, mum had warned me that he was not like he was but i was 15 and what did she know.

when i stepped foot into the foyer at Addenbrokes, i started to feel a bit scared, i didn’t know what i was coming into and i didn’t (still don’t) like hospitals, and i became rooted to the spot scared to go forward but not wanting to walk out either, mum chatted me around and i made it to the ward where Dad was. the best way i can describe what is felt is i knew his face, the shape was the same, his eyes were still blue, but i knew i did not know the person that stood in front of me, and that scared me shitless!

this person was walking around in a shell that looked like my dad, but i was not my dad, he did not remember me, or my brother, he could talk some simple sentences, told me he had 6 daughters, my dad could not handle the ONE he had, he didn’t even remember his name or who his own mum was or even my brother.

i heard mum talking with his doctor about his progress and what they though prognosis might be and if there was any chance that dad would recover and i remember the words very clearly as it is not something you would expect a doctor to say.

he said mum, it would have been kinder to your children and his mother had he been left an extra 2 minutes, he will not get better, and he would never remember us due to the irreversible brain damage

i only saw the shell of my dad 2 more times after this i found it disturbing and hard and emotionally draining.

in the year that followed i turned to shop lifting, attention seeking on any level, i also became a carer to my mum and helped to raise my sister whist my mum was undergoing the first of many operations.

i passed my GCSE’s not brilliant grades but then they bumped me down to the bottom in everything as they did not think i could cope, i passed on to college got a psychiatric nurse, had been popping Prozac for around 8 months at this point when i had this urge to thieve the nearest thing to me, which was a 10p pack of haribo. i was caught, arrested, and stranded in BSE

i couldn’t explain why i had stolen them only that part of me had told me too, i gave my statement and was given a caution,

2 days later trying to explain myself to my social worker that the only thing i could put my finger on as a reason was i had just come from a 1-2-1 session and we had gone into depth about dad, and that i thought that was the reason behind what had happened, to which my social worker, i remember her name and the way she used to brush her hair with her hair clamp she was the reason i hated them for so long she turned to look at me and said Kelly what a childish thing to say! don’t you think you should be over that by now.

i didn’t say anything then, but remember thinking ‘how can you get over something which hasn’t reached a conclusion?’ how can you find closure in an event with no ending? ‘how did she expect that you can just shut a door when someone is only half way through it?’

took the first of 17 overdoses that weekend, remember the darkness and the happiness as i fell asleep dreaming of time with my dad again and remember sobbing as i woke up to my stomach being pumped.

a very dark 3 years followed, i became promiscuous, favouring older over the younger, had a miscarriage, lost another child at 17 weeks gestation, got beat up, going pillar to post to post to pillar, moved out of mums for 4 months in to a terribly abusive relationship, miscarried again, moved back into mums,

then i had a small beam of light in my life, i passed my NVQ’s in food prep and cooking, i got a job, i felt steady for the first time in quite a long while then had a night out met a bloke, had a one night stand and 9 months later i had a beautiful baby girl, my oldest daughter is special to me in so many ways, she was my consolation prize when i was just starting to find myself again. she was born at the end of May with my mum by my side, and she gave me the single most important reason to live

4 months later i met back up with her father by chance in the street, we started dating we got married 2006, and 5 more babies followed after that and10 years later that man is still my diamond rock, i stopped taking any medication for my depression on the 20th June 2004 the same day my daughter found her first steps, and up until March this year, i managed the good the bad and the ugly un-medicated

My dad still thrives today he is in a brain rehabilitation centre in Birmingham, he got to meet Princess Margret a few years back when she officially opened the building my dad was in, he has constant 1-2-1 care i choose to not get too many updates but the last i had was that he was in nappies day and night sat in a corner a majority of the time exposing himself to nurses. i will probably never know the why he felt the only way to solve things was to take his own life,

And i often find myself referring back to what the doctor said with regards to the extra 2 minutes and think what if?

Her Story pt2

15~6~13

Saturday was a little hazy at best.

Brother has opted for day off from hospital and mum, which is fair enough, we do however pick some clean supplies up through sister and her friends to clean the house later after a visit with mum,

Mums friend pops around to see how we all are, makes sure we’re all eating (we lie tell her we are fine that the eating thing is going well)

Mum’s ‘carer’ pops her head in, and me, brother, friend and carer sit and chat about the days events leading up to Thursdays ambulance drama, the contents of that conversation i still find disturbing, but then i only remember snip snap pieces,

the conversation had turned to what would happen if the worst happened, and a comment from her carer was ‘can i wash her?’ i want to scrub her feet they are disgusting’ and another was ‘i wish i hadn’t called that ambulance she wouldn’t be suffering’

to be fair

A) mum wasn’t suffering on ANY level she was up to her eyeballs on her meds sedated and pain free, pretty sure she was a happy as a ferret rabbiting.

B) the delayed calling of an ambulance would have meant that myself and sister would not have been able to say our own goodbyes

C) NO you cannot wash my mother or scrub her feet last rites is the hospitals job

and WTF are you asking us all these things????? Friend left Brother retreated to his bedroom, and i was left to deal with carer on my own, i don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation, i think part of me dosen’t want to remember it.

at 2pm me, sister and friend made our way up to the hospital to see mum, i left susan and freind to chat to mum and spoke to mums doctors and her nurse to see if there had been any developments with mums care.

she was still being cooled, her sedation meds had been changed and she was happier on them, she was on anti seizure medication and 6 different types of anti-bio-tics, i remember the name of the sedation meds, one was Rohypnol (commonly heard of as date rape drug :/) and the other was what killed Micheal Jackson Propofol, mums EEG results had come back, she hadn’t had a seizure whilst the test was running, which they felt was a step in the right direction, mum was double breathing on the ventilator, (the ventilator went peep when she did that) and the amount of glucose going through her system to keep her blood sugars even had reduced (on the friday she needed 250ml of glucose every four hours today it was only 150ml of glucose an hour) they felt that mum was possibly making some steps in the right direction, they said however they tried to bring mums sedation down that morning and her vitals went a bit mad, now that told me, they she was happy with the drugs and they shouldn’t try to withdraw them fair play!

mum was responsive again today peeped when spoke to her BP calmed when i stroked her hair, and she was peaceful, all be it very puffy now from the all the fluids going through, we asked about her nutrition bag and were told that actually they were freshly liquidized in the kitchens before they went up on her iv, today she had a protein rich one, and she seemed to like it.

she had been 3 days without a cigarette and was coughing a lot, and the nurse was regularly suctioning her lungs off to take all the mucusy crap off them, that stuff not only looked horried, but smelt horrid too! and for anyone that is a smoker i do have a picture of the crap that came off her lungs might make you want to quit!

mum was stable, was the main thing and we all left around 5pm, i went with Friend to her daughters, son’s birthday party, ment the baby and was quizzed like a condemned man (or at least it was how i felt) i was asked questions i couldn’t and didn’t want to answer, i could not give the answers they wanted and that seemed to make them question me more, friend saw i wasn’t coping with that and we went back to mum’s where we started scrubbing mums house to make it clean and just take our minds off the events unfolding we spent 4 hours friend and I scrubbing her kitchen and we didn’t even get half way through the kitchen. Carer popped back to ask how mum was, threatened to smack my sisters face in and was asked to leave

phoned into the hospital at 10 and was told mum was behaving well, took my meds and tried to sleep

none of us slept well on the saturday night.

16~6~13

the next two days kind of blur together, so please bare with me i promise there’s a reason for that.

Brother was woken with a phone call from the hospital at 8:30am, the three of us needed to go up the hospital urgently there had been a development with mum.

we scrambled for clothes, hair brushes, energy drinks, cash and a lift to the hospital, and managed to get there for 9:30 am, we were shown directly to the same room me and brother were in on Friday, we filled sister in on our plan to take the furniture from the room and how we were going to manage it, she said she’d grab the lamp, and that we would probably get away with it, due to the stress of mum,

Mums doctor and 1-2-1 nurse came in, it was terrible, this woman was of Indian decent (i think ) with an under bite roughly the size of a moon landing vehicle,

i saw her lips move and heard severe brain damage and my world completely shattered my dad already was severely brain damaged i couldn’t cope with a second parent with the same condition.

mums morning checks at 7am had shown that one of her pupils had blown, this is associated with the brain being damaged or a stroke, or just generally things becoming worse. Mum had been rushed off for a brain scan at 7:15am this morning, neurologists had been consulted on the scan.

despite the doctors best efforts mums condition had worsened her brain had continued to swell, her brain was how coming out through the bottom of her skull and started squashing her brain stem, (quick biology lesson the brain stem contains the body’s basic functions, tells your heart to beat and your lungs to fill with air), this was refereed to as brain coning to be fair at this point i didn’t care what it was called, but mum was now at best all but brain stem dead, they expected mums condition to deteriorate through the day and for her to have died by the end of the day, it was explained that when the brain had finally come through the skull it would happen very quickly.

i think it was this point that i cried the most during mums stay in hospital, i turned and saw my sister and my brother crying across the room and realized that i could not fall apart, they needed someone to be strong and as the oldest this was my job,

i went in to mummy pilot mode, i left them to speak to mum, i popped out to the visitors room and made the calls to the 3 people i needed for the whole family and mums friends to know what was happening and that if anyone wanted to say goodbye they should come sooner rather than later, i updated facebook as i had quite a following by this point.

One by one mums nearest and dearest filtered into the hospital and into mums room, some cried others ate, and stood or sat making sure that everyone was OK, and thanking them for coming. i was disappointed that not all her family came to say goodbye, but at the same time i understood their reasons, my slightly smaller adopted sister came, Aunt came, cousins came, an uncle came, mums friends came, everyone said their good byes and told her they loved her,

i explained to all that i wasn’t leaving mum not until the worst had happened, mums friend also refused to leave me, and i was grateful for her company, brother and sister left, both said that neither of them would come back they had said their goodbyes and i totally agreed with what they had to say, part of me wished i was the youngest sibling,

i had been starting to fill the role of matriarch in mums absence and it was at this point i found myself going from stepping in temporary to filling in full time for the woman that mum was, and let me tell you my size fives don’t fit in mums size 4’s :/

i spent the night at the hospital chatting with mum and friend wide awake, unable to leave the woman that had cared for me most of my life, i never slept that evening and watched mum even in her coma state fight the sedatives, go through active body functions, and just generally be who she was, my phone died at some point that evening, i hadn’t thought to bring a charger with me, (D’OH)

me and friend were asked to go to the news room around 5 am and be told again that mums condition was not compatable with life, me and my siblings had made the decision that if i was given the option to with draw her treatment i should agree to it. i was asked to sign a DNR (do not resus) and consent forms for her support to be taken away. i have to say that at this point i felt like i was murdering my mum, i know that looking back that this wasn’t what it was, and i was doing what mum would have wanted but in my highly sleep deprived state i felt that this was murder.

someone at some point had given me a blanket during the night because i felt cold, it was by far the best present that i had been given in around 4 days i loved it!

i signed the consent forms, at around 6am, was dragged back into the room again at 8am to be told that mums support was being withdrawn, they were awaiting permission from the coroner as mums death would be effectively unexplained.

the morning dragged on i was looking everywhere for a charger the nurses had a whip round and got us some money for the charging station in the concourse,

and just my luck the charging station was out of order when i got there, i managed to get a call out to my brother and my aunt was going to lend me her phone charger so i could charge my phone! fan-bloody-tastic 9 hours and counting until my aunt could come up phone had died 10 hours previous,

at 2pm i was again called into the news room the coroner was not convinced that this was the best plan and needed further information from myself before a decision could be made, mums death was currently looking to be being treated as unexplained as mums official diagnosis was death by brain injury from insulin overdose, and yet noone could tell us how that extra insulin got there.

i said of the carers, and my brother, were the only ones with access to mum on that morning and that any further information could be obtained through them. the police were now to be called, mums death was in essance being treated as a murder investigation. at 5pm we were told CID from Ipswich were on their way to interview us, at 7pm i spent 2 and half hours giving a statement as to my version of events from thursday, Friend who was also one of mums carers was then interviewed for a further hour and a half. my aunt had arrived by this time and i was able to charge my phone, the hospital had managed to find us a room to stay in that evening if i had choosen to stay over night again.

it came to 10pm, and my aunt said i needed to go back to mums i needed to sleep and more importantly i needed to eat. i still had yet to go through organ donation and other paper work relating to mums support withdrawal, i spent 45 minutes going through paperwork, being asked questions that again i did not have, i had the option to donate mums kidneys, so i gave consent, intent on speaking to my siblings before i actually allowed them to take them.

mums kidneys actually started failing that evening and organ donation no longer became viable, mums kidneys were donated to a diabetes research center, my aunt and friend made me leave mum at around 11pm the nurses told me that mum would be heavily sedated much as she was now and that her condition would not change until i got back to the hospital the following day.

i got a phone call as we left the hospital that CID wanted to interview my brother this evening, they turned up at mums at 12:30 am, confiscated mums mobile, her blood meter and all her meds, i sat with my brother as he did his best to give his account of mums last hours, watched him start to cry with frustration through the previous days dealings and now this intrusion on our privacy at a time we actually needed to just be by ourselves to attempt to make sense of the days news as it came,

i think i managed to get to sleep around 2am until around 5am, then fell back to sleep again until 7am, i popped across to the shop got something to eat which i just looked at…. i couldn’t physically eat anything in around 4 hours i would be turning mums support off and effectively suffocation her, i wasn’t sure how i was dealing with all this and still able to walk or talk and not be a babbling mess at the same time, what i remember of that morning is more of a blur as i couldn’t take the whole information in.

i know i texted my husband for the first time in 4 days and told him everything, i think i spoke to another friend briefly and i sat and i read through all the things being sent to my wall on fb. My aunt came and picked me and friend up from mums house and we made the final journey pretty much in silence with the odd few remarks, got to the hospital for 11am and went straight up to mums room, we spent an hour with her before the support was to be withdrawn, i chatted to her told her i was sorry and that i loved her and that i know that this course of action was in her best interests and that she would always be remembered and spoken of to her grandchildren.

mums support was taken away at 12:27 on the 18th June 2013, she died from respiratory failure at 13:07 she was 51 years old and myself, friend and aunt were by her side i stroked her hair and her breath actually smelled nice as she took her last breaths she smiled, i like to think it was thank you, or that she was seeing nana again whatever it was it was lovely too see mum smile for the first time in 5 days.

Mum died on a tuesday it was hot and balmy and she would have hated the weather, i couldn’t get out that hospital fast enough, aunt took me and friend to Tesco and bought Friend some lunch i couldn’t eat myself but bought something anyway.

i couldn’t understand how everything was still so normal a huge chunk of my life had just gone but life was still going on.

much of the rest of the day was a haze, me and the siblings chipped in and bought some vodka and some bulma’s lol my brother is such a girl and toasted to mums memory we shared a group hug, and some lovely memories of mum.

and that is mums final story her final chapter, next up dealing with the aftermath……..

Her Story pt1

12 weeks ago today it was Saturday the 15th June, i had been in Suffolk for less than 36 hours, and 12 hours previous me and my brother were given a 10% chance that our mother would live.

Sadly mum never mad it through and that is where this Story begins

13~6~13

Mum fell ill on a Thursday, the night before we had spoken quite late, and exchanged texts during the day, she was happy, she’d had a lovely day and was looking forward to the housing association lady coming on the Thursday, and for the first time in a while she had a good day.

i got the call at 11am, my boss contacting me as my brother had contacted my sister at work, mum had been found unconscious, and that she needed to go to hospital, i had recently changed my phone number, so no-one could get hold of me.

I called my brother up to find out what had happened, mum had been found by her carers at 10amish unresponsive, and an ambulance had been called and he had been called home from work, he let me know that he would be traveling with mum to the hospital and would keep me updated as and when he could,

it can to my attention after i had ended that call that someone was sobbing and crying,  realized that someone was me when a shop regular asked me if i was OK. i kept thinking i am 210 miles away could i get to Suffolk, and if i could how, i was in town just having had a mental health check, i had my youngest sproglette with me, and now was not the time for me to fall apart.

i managed to call my husband, i managed to board a bus, check the bank, and take money out of the saving for the new house, and keep myself together enough to get off at work, check my sister was OK, and book a ticket to Suffolk, i offered to buy my sisters ticket also but she had already made other arrangements.

My husband had bought me some lunch, i couldn’t even try to stomach it and managed to drop it all over the bus stop outside work.

re boarded a bus back to my house, found a suitcase that wasn’t already packed up from the impending house move and pack myself some clothes, i packed my straighteners, forgot my brush, i packed 5 vest tops, 4 pairs of trousers 2 changes of underwear my laptop and my phone charger, no coat no cardi no jumper…….

i had 3 hours between the bus leaving and the time i was packed up by, i managed to grab a shower, get phone numbers for most of the family i could contact and started ringing around to let them know what was happening. i had regular as possible updates from my brother and one of mums carers,

i swung between stable emotionally together and complete wreak in meer seconds sobbing and trying to reassure my youngest daughter that mammy was OK.

i spent a very long 6 hours on coaches to Suffolk texting, calling and trying to keep everyone in the loop.

i got off the coach in Cambridge and got myself to Addenbrokes hospital.

i stepped foot into the hospital and i was transported back in time to when i walked through the doors when my dad had attempted his own life,

Mums BP was plummeting from the moment i had arrived at the hospital and she was having seizures, it took the doctors a long time to stabilize her as i waited in the waiting room i was sobbing ‘mum please don’t go not yet, please let me say goodbye let sister get here and say goodbye please mum’ over and over and over.

my Aunt who i had been keeping in contact with arrived at the hospital for support and to be honest it couldn’t have been at a better time, she helped keep me calm collected and pull myself together.

a doctor finally came to see me at 11:40 to talk to me about my mum.

the doctor was lovely but i couldn’t help thinking she had absolutely no idea what was wrong or any answers that could help with that.

Mum hadn’t had a brain hemorrhage, she hadn’t had a stroke, she didn’t have meningitis.

there was evidence of a previous historic stroke, there was a large amount of insulin in her blood stream her brain had swollen, liver failure was a possibility pancreatic tumors were thrown around, but there were no answers just more Questions,

as a result mums brain had basically starved of glucose and was possibly severely damaged and was medically comatose, she was on a vast spectrum of anti-bio-tics and it was of no doubt that she was very very poorly.

i was then allowed to see my mum for 20 minutes, she was wired up to moniters and bags tubes, wires, needles were everywhere and my tiny mum was in the middle of all of that  right in the middle,

i walked up to her and asked her what she thought she was doing worrying me like this, i stroked her hair and gave her a kiss, told her i loved her. My Aunt had come in with me, she had been on the same ward 4 weeks previously, she had been very close to the end, but she had come back, and she was sat in front of me. and i took comfort from that even though i knew that mum was very poorly part of me hoped that i would still be talking to her in a few days time.

one of mums carers took me back to the street i grew up on, and i spent the rest of the evening attempting to sleep at hers until i could speak to my brother in the morning.

14~6~13

i got up around 9:30 dressed, phoned the hospital and checked in on mum, who over night still played the doctors up. and her sedation was higher as a result

my sister had also arrived back in Suffolk at around 2am, I went to my mums house, took a look around and broke down in tears at the squallier her home was in, she ahd told me that things were difficult for her, but i had no idea just how bad they had gotten, mum was essentially living on just one floor her bed was in the front room and in her kitchen you could write your name in the grease and sh*t on her kitchen floor wall and cupboards.

i yelled up at my brother and filled him in on the not a lot i had been told the night before, we discussed how much we were going to fill our younger sister in on, and decided that it was for the best to be as open and honest as we could be with her as although she was only 17 lying to her would have made things worse which ever way mum came out of the coma.

We phoned and texted around for a lift up to the hospital for the afternoon and phoned the hospital and asked to speak to mums doctors around 4pm when we arrived.

we spent the rest of the morning chatting about mum and how she’d been at the beginning of the week, Sister got in at around 1 and we explained the information that we had to her and they we were going to update us again when we got to the hospital that afternoon.

me and brother got to the hospital around 3pm they were running an EEG so we had to wait for them to finish that before we could go and see her.

mum was today covered in a blue rubber blanket that circulated ice cold water round it to help maintain her temperature, she would have loved it, in fact she’d have made us bring bigger bags in so she could take it home!

mum was now in her very own room, and popped some pictures i had found up on her window of all the people past and present that she loved, checked with mums named nurse how she had been behaving, and if there were any developments, she asked me to wait until the doctor was available for an update.

so me and brother chatted to mum about the last day or so and told her sister was coming up, her BP shot up, made us laugh that did 🙂

Sister wasn’t getting to hospital until 5ish and said that we were to report back what we were told by the doctor, after we had been shown to the room me and brother causually discussed the theft of the furniture from that room, we were going to get a shopping trolly for the two smaller lamps, pop the coffee table in next the two side tables upside down on top then the two seater on top of them and the 4 single chairs upside down on that and which ever of us that wasn’t pushing the trolley had the grab the floor lamp, we conceded we’d get away with it purely because they would be impressed that we had tried!!!

Mums 1-2-1 nurse and her doctor came in to speak to us, the doctors name was Bailey which was ironic because i could have done with a few of those myself!

he was straight up with us, and didn’t sugar coat it at all, mums brain was unhappy due to the glucose starvation, the coma she was in was to keep her body at an optimum maintenance mode for her body to help repair and heal it’s self, and attempt to minimize damage done as much as possible, it was at this point we where given odds of 90% of mum passing, and 10% of her living, 8% of that was with some varying degree of mental disability. the doctor reiterated that at this point he was gravely concerned about our mother and the next 72 hours were critical, another brain scan would be performed on Monday morning to see if that course of action was helping her or not.

so we are now half in the know what the odds are we kinda half knew what was wrong with her, but neither of us was really any the wiser! we popped back into mum and sister had arrived, we explained to Sister best we could what we had been told about mums condition.

i watched my baby sister brake down twice that day and absolutely loathed the utter feelings of helplessness that overcame me, i could not help her, i could not take this pain away, and all i was doing was making it all worse with more bad news.

mum was however very reactive to us all when we chatted to her, and i fed my inner geekness and enjoyed getting to grips with mums monitors and watching them for signs of brain activeness, i knew what drugs were being used and when they were due to go up, and what was being done in her care to ensure her ‘environment’ was as optimum as possible.

the 3 of us left the hospital around 7pm and made our way back to mums, we bought vodka, cream soda, and cider, (and i was ID’d I’m 30!!) we toasted to mums health.

Sister finished vodka, :/ i phoned the hospital at 10 to see how mum was behaving and she was still very up and down but pretty much as stable as mum ever got 🙂

_________________________Part 2 tomorrow______________________________